party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
