All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
