I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
