He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
