I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
