i already hear my dad disowning me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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