Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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