you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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