fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
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best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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