If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
