i think i have two assholes
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
