then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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