Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
