i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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