the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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