It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
