please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize