I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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