I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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