Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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