I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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