You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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