I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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