Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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