I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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