how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
