The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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