Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
