I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
