Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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