Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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