Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
