there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
