Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
