another moral hangover. fuck.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
