How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
