This dress was meant to end up on your floor
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
