so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
