i just made my gag reflex go away.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
