2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I looked at my own cervix.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
