I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
