but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
