if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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