I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
