what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
