I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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