if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
