Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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