My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
