And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
