My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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