just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
