she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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