is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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