I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This house was built for laser tag.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just had sex on a roof
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
