What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
