Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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