When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
