I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
