I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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