My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
