alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
