Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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