I heard we made out
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
