batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
