oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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