come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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