Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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