Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever. http://tfl.nu/1b0y
  Replies (57) Good night (1187) Bad night (7255)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria. http://tfl.nu/9jm0
  Replies (29) Good night (570) Bad night (6269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT. http://tfl.nu/lt7f
  Replies (27) Good night (1031) Bad night (6065)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party http://tfl.nu/w1ty
  Replies (8) Good night (3102) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything. http://tfl.nu/e1ys
  Replies (84) Good night (1843) Bad night (6677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose http://tfl.nu/7c4h
  Replies (5) Good night (2911) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted. http://tfl.nu/mn0k
  Replies (14) Good night (2010) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas http://tfl.nu/zrzb
  Replies (8) Good night (1338) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry. http://tfl.nu/174k
  Replies (12) Good night (533) Bad night (2147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like http://tfl.nu/79b0
  Replies (24) Good night (611) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation. http://tfl.nu/8ogi
  Replies (9) Good night (901) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times. http://tfl.nu/evhw
  Replies (9) Good night (835) Bad night (232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark? http://tfl.nu/5sw5
  Replies (2) Good night (253) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/zet2
  Replies (1) Good night (379) Bad night (159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement. http://tfl.nu/az5f
  Replies (3) Good night (134) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt

Randomize