this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.