Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish you could order shots online.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
