im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't think brook has ever known best
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
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You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children