this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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