oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.