Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
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Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed