Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize