What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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