My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
