Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
