you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sorry about my life...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
