My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
