I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
