First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
