ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
