worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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