I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
