I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
