He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
