Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
