just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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