I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
