I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
