Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
