is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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